BDSM Dungeon / Play Etiquette Summary

BDSM Dungeon / Play Etiquette Summary

Here’s a summary, rundown of some rules in BDSM Dungeon / Play Etiquette:

  1. Politeness and manners will get you a long way in the scene. Treat other people as you’d like to be treated
  2. Remember submissives are not submissive to every person in the whole world. Assume that attitude and don’t be surprised to be told to “fuck off”.
  3. Expecting to be called “Sir”, “Ma’am”, “Master”, “Mistress” or your “Online Nick” by total strangers is in the realm of fantasy.
  4. Don’t assume anything.
  5. Don’t touch people, clothes, equipment or toys belonging to others unless being invited to do so.
  6. Be discreet, respect personal information as confidential, don’t give out other people’s details without their permission. Don’t ask personal questions of someone until you establish a relationship of some sort. Don’t ask personal questions about someone through a third party.
  7. Don’t follow people around at play parties. They are exactly the same as any party. Want to meet someone? Ask to be introduced.
  8. If you don’t want something to become public knowledge don’t do it in public.
  9. Don’t convertly obtain people’s personal details, address, phone number, it will look like you are stalking them.
  10. Name dropping doesn’t work, and why should it. Ask permission before using someone as a reference.
  11. Don’t assume appearance or dress is the key to whether someone is Dominant/Top or submissive/bottom. Ask politely if you aren’t sure.
  12. Just because you are Dominant/Top or submissive/bottom doesn’t mean everyone is going to want to play with you or is bound by some code to do so.
  13. Don’t exaggerate the depth of your experience.
  14. Take the answer “No” as “No”.
  15. If don’t know what instructions the accompanied submissive is acting under address the Dominant before speaking directly to the submissive. If this is the Dominant’s general rule then he or she should take the trouble to inform others and not expect people to simply know.
  16. I am more submissive than you crap is not tolerated. Same applies to I am more Dominant than anyone in the room bullshit. Same applies to the “I have more play toys than anyone in the whole world competition”.
  17. Don’t threaten playfully or otherwise a submissive you don’t know.
  18. If you are victimised, abused or threatened. See something you think is borderline during play or appears to be non-consensual. Have you own play interrupted? Space infringed on? Inform the DM, Play Organiser, or Authority Body of a play party let them sort it out and remember their decision is final. Don’t like it? Then don’t go to their next party. Going to be doing something which may look like it is non-consensual? Let the people in authority known beforehand. Don’t simply pull a chain saw out and start it.
  19. Ask and then follow the rules of the event, play party, social function. If you don’t like them set up your own events, play parties, social functions. Don’t be a “problem” guest because if you are you probably won’t be a guest next time.
  20. If it is an event hosted at a private house by individuals I have always thought it to be good manners to contribute in someway, a nice bottle of wine, a cake, packets of crisps, peanuts, lollies, a dessert, or simply a bunch of flowers. Or offer the services of your slave, submissive or bottom.
  21. Don’t hog the play space or equipment, leave it clean and well ordered. People don’t usually appreciate a latex glove, just used in an anal fisting, being left on the sling, bench or floor.
  22. Playing casually? It is your responsibility to inform the other person of any health, medical or psychological problems you may have. Don’t be afraid to set your limits and speak up if they are met or surpassed.
  23. Respect the designated areas, play, smoking, non-smoking, socializing or someone’s play space. If asked politely to leave, leave.
  24. Don’t invite yourself into a scene. You will probably be escorted from the premises or end up with a thick lip or both.
  25. If invited to join a scene don’t try to take over the play. Bow to the directions or instructions of the person in charge of the scene. Ask if you are not sure. You also have the right of refusal.
  26. If you walk through someone else’s play and they are wielding a flogger or a cane at the time, expect to be hit and expect no apology. If you want to pass position yourself so the Dominant/Top can see you and signal your intentions at an appropriate moment. If you are aware someone is trying to pass by allow them through your play space in a reasonable time frame.
  27. It is okay to politely ask someone to play however respect “No”. If the answer is “Yes” negotiate both your wants and theirs.
  28. In a public play space it is perfectly okay to watch. Talking about the scene in progress is rude. If the play disturbs you leave.
  29. Don’t be a “seagull” rushing from one scene to another to watch.
  30. Respect the space of others. Don’t start talking to the submissive/bottom. Don’t inquire if they are okay. Don’t ask how to do something while people are playing. Don’t offer unsolicited advice critism. Be aware of the different levels of play. Wait for a scene to be completed and allow aftercare to be administered before giving a compliment as regards the play witnessed.
  31. It is okay to make an offer of ‘help’ during the aftercare period, the getting of drinks, blanket etc but address it through the Top/Dominant.
  32. “Please” and “thank you” are required, unless the Dominant/Top in charge states otherwise, when a submissive offers you services.
  33. Don’t be the last to leave, know when something is over, if the hosts are falling asleep during your conversation or have gone to bed it is probably well past the time you should have left.
  34. Helping to clean up after an event always stands you in good stead and has nothing to do with Dominance or submissiveness it is simply good manners.

Read BDSM Dungeon / Play Etiquette – Part 1

Read BDSM Dungeon / Play Etiquette – Part 2

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